She, Who Will Save the World
by Elivira
Summary: From the beggining to The End, all Deanna Winchester wants to do is save her family, since family doesn't end with blood, turns out she's got a lot of saving to do. A collection of oneshots told from various POVs all centering on Deanna Winchester.
1. She is Righteous

**Title:** She is Righteous

**Summary: **The more time Castiel spends with Deanna Winchester. The more he learns what it means to be human. - Because in the end everything he has ever choose to do has been for her.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything you recognize!

**Authors ****Note: **So this story will be a collection of oneshots set in my head canon 'verse where Dean was born female. They will have no particular order and be told from various POV with different styles of writing

This oneshot all started out as a short 150 word drabble but turned into some more during a bus ride to Tokyo. This is a different kind of writing than I normally do but it turned out okay and I like it well enough. I'm also posting this on fanfiction so if you prefer that it's over there as well.

Please enjoy!

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><p><strong><span>She is Righteous<span>**

1

Millennia go an older brother had told Castiel that he was destined to pull the righteous man from hell. He didn't think much on it and wondered if it was possible for human to be righteous. It isn't until he actually meets Deanna Winchester that he understands what humans truly are.

Before spending time on earth, Castiel know only what he has been told about the modern world; much has changed in the thousands of years since the last angel took a mortal vessel.

When Zachariah aproaches him and say that it is time, he leads a battalion against the gates of Hell.

2

_"The first seal on Lucifer's cage will break when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks so too shall it."_

Castiel has waited millennia for this moment and as he stares at the young woman in front of him, torturing a screaming man with drips of acid, hot iron and harsh words, Castiel mourns that he is far too late. He thinks fleetingly that something must've been misunderstood because the righteous man is not a man.

The righteous man (woman) has already been broken and the seal with her (sixty five more seals and Lucifer is free). The woman in front of him looks young. Covered in blood and acid dripping from her bare hands. Her soul screams in pain, so bright in the darkness of hell. It is black and around the edges and Castiel still thinks that it is one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen.

She has spend forty years in hell, thirty the tortured and ten as the torturer, but is still shines brighter than anything else in this wretched place and without further thought he grips the woman's soul and pulls her from hell. (The one who begins it is also the only one who can stop it.)

After four (earth) months in the grave all that is left of her is bone and rotten flesh so Castiel puts her back together piece by piece until he thinks that he will never forget every molecule, atom and thought that makes up Deanna Winchester.

3

_"I'm the one who gripped you by the shoulder and raised you from Perdition."_ - Castiel

The fear in Deanna Winchester's bright green eyes the first time she sees Castiel is not fully unexpected (but it elicits a small sliver of emotion that Castiel cannot yet identify) however the complete lack of faith in his Father, angels, and heaven in general is.

Is this woman truly the righteous man? Castiel knows that he had been too late to stop the seal from being broken, but he begins to think that this woman is shattered beyond repair. How else could she lack so much faith? Castiel finds it perplexing that Deanna Winchester, who had been raised a Hunter and has been hunting the supernatural since before she can remember dismisses the idea of angels, God, and heaven, because she truly believes that she hadn't deserved to be saved.

4

"_Why would you fall? Why would you want to be one of us?"_

_"You don't mean that."_

_"I don't? A bunch of—of miserable bastards. Eating, crapping, confused, afraid."_

_"I don't know. There's loyalty... forgiveness... love."_

_"Pain."_

_"Chocolate cake."_

_"Guilt."_

_"Sex."_

_"Yeah, you got me there."_

_"I mean it. Every emotion, Deanna, even the bad ones... it's why I fell. It's why—why I'd give anything not to have to go back. Anything."_ - Deanna Winchester and Anna Milton

As Castiel watches the Winchester siblings, he is struck by how extremely human they are. He begins to question, begins to think, begins to feel and begins to wonder. Angels are not made for free will and he is lost without the conviction that what he is doing is right.

They find Anna, a fallen sister, a betrayer of the Host, and Castiel wonders how she could ever wish to be human, how she could every forsake heaven.

He observes the Winchester siblings and finally sees, for the first time what makes Deanna Winchester righteous; her need to do right, protect the innocent and save her brother from the darkness engulfing his soul, but most of all her belief that what she is doing is right.

Castiel mourns along with her, the tainted soul of Samuel Winchester; the only one of hell's special children still to walk he earth.

5

_"Destiny, God's plan, it's all a bunch of lies, you poor stupid son of a bitch! Just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line! You know what's real? People. Families. That's real. And you're gonna watch 'em all burn?"_ - Deanna Winchester to Castiel

Castiel truly believes that he is stopping the apocalypse by freeing Sam and by the time he realizes his error it is too late. The final seal breaks and Lucifer is free (Two siblings; the beginning and the end of The End). Castiel is faced with how truly wrong he had been and how absolutely his brothers have lost their way.

6

Michael and Lucifer, Cain and Abel, and now Sam and Deanna Winchester. A pattern repeated over and over for centuries. Castiel remembers that the Prophet Chuck Shurley had once called himself a cruel capricious God and Castiel thinks that the prophet might have been right about about one thing; his Father is cruel.

Castiel know that if something permanate is done about both Micheal and Lucifer, they will only try again in another millennia. Their pawns will have different faces but e same use, because God seems to like this pattern.

Castiel wonders if he can kill his brothers, he thinks of Gabriel, wings burnt black against the ground, his own weapon in his chest, and thinks that yes, yes he can.

7

_"When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45! I was nine years old! He was supposed to say "Don't be afraid of the dark!"_ – Sam Winchester

Castiel knows how Deanna Winchester was raised and he wishes it could have been different. Her and her brother's roles have been planned out since before their parents had even met.

Heaven had pushed Mary Campbell and John Winchester together. (Two ancient bloodlines; one for the Devil and one for Michael.) Their children were destined from the beginning to carry out the End of Days.

Mary was killed by the yellow eyed demon and John swore revenge. With a four year old Deanna and a six month old Sam, John Winchester was introduced to the world of hunters.

His children were soldiers and he was their commander. Castiel thinks that heaven has gone too far.

8

_ "I mean, angel inside of you, its kind a like being chained to a comet."_ - Jimmy Novak

Castiel had taken for granted that Jimmy Novak had been a devout man. There had never been any question whether or not Castiel's vessel would allow Castiel to possess him. Michael and Lucifer are not so lucky. Not that Castiel would wish for Sam and Deanna to consent to be, as Deanna so eloquently put it, _"Rental tuxes for the apocalypse prom."_

9

_"Destiny? Don't give me that holy crap. Listen Castiel, even if there is a God, he's either dead, - and that's the generous theory - or he's up and kicking, and doesn't give a rats ass about any of us. I mean look around you man, the world is in the toilet! We are literally at the End of Days here, and he's off somewhere, drinking booze out of a coconut!"_ - Deanna Winchester

Castiel searches for his missing Father and, even though Deanna thinks that it is a waste of time, he looks in all the corners of the earth and tries sustain the belief that God has not abandoned them (him). Castiel's Grace slowly drains away and all he has done has been for Deanna Winchester. Castiel wouldn't take it back for anything.

(He was created to serve and that is what he's doing.)

Castiel has forsaken heaven for Deanna and would do so again in a heartbeat.

10

_"You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything. And then God created... you. The little, hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you. To love you, more than him! And I said, Father, "I can't," I said, "these human beings, they're flawed, murderous." And for that, God had Michael cast me into hell! Now tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially when I was right. Look what six billion of you have done to this thing. And how many of you blame me for it." - _Lucifer

Lucifer always said that it would happen in Detroit.

Castiel knows the moment that Sam says "Yes" (just one word can mean so much). with his last remaining sliver of Grace, he can feel his brother enter his true vessel. Deanna's grief is practically palpable. _'The plan can still work,' _he tells himself as Lucifer leaves, taking Sam with him. _'Sam could still being back control._' But he knows it is an empty hope.

11

_"Are you stoned?"_

_"Generally, yes."_ - Deanna Winchester and Castiel

Deanna had once confided in him about a future that Zachariah had shown her. She told Castiel that he was fallen completely, all of his Grace gone, and that he had been perpetually stoned (he had to ask what 'stoned' meant and she'd smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes).

She told him, with tears in her eyes, but Sam had said "Yes" in Detroit and she didn't know why because she hadn't been there. She hadn't spoken to him in four years (he had always wondered why the siblings had started hunting together again) and the world was overrun with the Croatoan virus. Croatian had been his brother's end game. She had cried for something that Sam hadn't done yet and he had held her.

12

_"Hey, ass-butt!" - _Castiel

In the end it's Sam who saves them all. Castiel finds it horribly heart-wrenching to see Lucifer's cruel smile on Sam's face as he snaps Bobby's neck and with a snap of his fingers Castiel is gone. The last thing he hears is Deanna scream his name. Castiel thinks that later Deanna will tell him to work on his insults.

13

One moment Castiel knows nothing the next he stands in the field beside Bobby's dead body, right where he had stood before Lucifer had blown him up. Castiel can feel his newly returned grace humming just under his skin and he thinks that only his Father could have brought him back. Without a second thought he cups Deanna's bloody face in his hand and heals her, something he hasn't been able to do in a long time. In the next moment he brings Bobby back and thinks how much more he now understands.

14

_"So what's it all come up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this is a test... And I think they did all right. Up against, Good, Evil, angels, Devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kind of the whole point? No doubt – endings are hard. But then again... nothing really ever ends, does it?_" - The Prophet Chuck Shurley

Deanna hugs him goodbye and leaves to fulfill her promise to Sam but not without telling him that he if he ever needs help _"kicking ass"_ she'll be there in an instant. He doesn't doubt it but they both know he won't call.

Castiel wants her to be happy and she'll be happy with Lisa, not just happy but safe, he won't pull her back into hunting. Deanna Winchester has kicked destiny in the ass and she deserves a rest.

15

Heaven is in disarray, (angels don't know what to do with freedom) and Raphael thinks that restarting the Apocalypse is God's will. Deanna and Sam have given up so much and Castiel will not let it all be for nothing. He says no.

Castiel frees Sam from hell and thinks of how the Winchesters have changed him.

16

_"Those first weeks back in heaven were surprisingly difficult. Explaining freedom to Angels is a bit like teaching poetry to fish._

_"What does God want?"_

_"God wants you to have freedom."_

_"What does he want us to do with it?"_

_If I knew then what I know now I might've said, "It's simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it." _- Castiel

There is a civil war in heaven; his allies against Raphael's and the first thing he thinks to do is contact Deanna. So he hides himself from sight and appears in her yard. She is there looking happier than he's ever seen her and suddenly the King of Hell (who should be dead) is there offering him an alternative.

Deanna has a life here with Lisa; a home, a son, and a girlfriend. Who is he to pull her back into a world with the monsters in the closet are real.

He turns to Crowley (an angel and demon) because he truly believes that it will keep her, Deanna Winchester, safe.

17

Seven months later Deanna Winchester is hunting again and Castiel has no other choice but to betray her. Raphael must be stopped and Castiel needs the power that purgatory will give him.

18

_"Look, Deanna, he's our friend too okay? And I would die for him, I would. But. I'm praying we're wrong here._" - Sam Winchester

Castiel watches as Deanna tries so hard to have faith in him (to believe that he hasn't betrayed her). They don't see him but he's there watching them struggle to believe that he is looking for Crowley. Heaven fights amongst itself and Castiel is torn between his friendship with the Winchesters and his need to do what he believes is right.

When they find out he is working with Crowley (even if he knows that deep down they already knew) he finds it hard to meet her eyes. She had tried so hard to believe in him and he had (he knows the moment he vows to open the gates of Purgatory) betrayed her and everything she believes in. He stares at the flames of the ring of holy fire, trapping him in place and wondered how far he has allowed himself to fall.

19

Castiel doesn't like demons; in fact if someone had told him two years ago that he would be making deals with them in the future he would've smote them on principle. Demons are lying, double-crossing, disgusting, abominations (though the demons would say the same about angels) and he should have made it clear that toying with Deanna's family counted as hurting her.

Demons have always been good at finding loopholes.

Lisa and Ben are innocent and there was once a time when Castiel wouldn't have cared but he has changed, the Winchesters have changed him.

Castiel hadn't known that Crowley planned to hold Ben and Lisa as leverage. Demons truly are despicable.

Castiel is surprised when Deanna asks him to erase Ben and Lisa's memories of her but he can understand her need to keep them safe. If she still trusts him that much then maybe, (after all this is over) she will forgive him.

20

_"You know, I've been here for very long time. And I remember many things. I remember being at shoreline. Watching a little great fish heave itself up on the beach, and an older brother saying, "Don't step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish." I remember the Tower of Babel, all 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. And when it fell, they howled divine wrath. But come on, dry dung can only be stacked so high. I remember Cain and Abel...David and Goliath...Sodom and Gomorrah. And of course, I remember the most remarkable event – remarkable because it never came to pass. It was averted by two siblings, an old drunk, and a fallen angel. The grand story. And we ripped up the ending, and the rules, and destiny, leaving nothing but f__reedom and choice. Which is all well and good, except... Well, what if I've made the wrong choice?" - _Castiel

Castiel has been around for millennium but he has never truly cared for anything the way he does for Deanna and Samuel Winchester. As he prays to his Father (not that he thinks He'll answer) he thinks how they changed him; what they have taught him.

Angels are made to be soldiers, and to be anything else goes against everything they've ever been taught. The Winchesters showed free will, (something he never wanted until he got it) and once he had that, what to do with it.

Castiel sits on a bench in a garden and prays, really prays, that he is doing the right thing (he owes Deanna Winchester at least that much). He prays for guidance from a Father who he knows has long since left him. He gives his reasons and prays that they are enough.

Castiel will open the gates of purgatory with the King of Hell because he wants nothing more than for Deanna Winchester to be safe (with heaven at war she will always be in danger). He truly believes that this will help to accomplish that.

_ "I'm asking you father; one last time. Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me; you have to give me a sign. Because if you don't I'm going to cho– I'm going to do whatever I... whatever I must."_

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I had a lot of fun writing this. As you can probably tell, I put quotes from the show (though a few are made up) at the beginning of most of the sections and built on them. This is also posted on AO3 as a series of you would like to download of just prefer the AO3 format better.

Thanks for reading, please review!


	2. The End

**Title:** The End

**Summary: **The future makes her want to scream; Sam is gone, her future self is a cold hearted bitch, Cas is broken in so, so many ways and Deanna just wants to go home.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything you recognize!

**Authors Note: **I wanted to write a Fem!Dean (Deanna) fic set during the season five episode, "The End" but my friend dared me to write it with a shit ton of 'buts', 'ands', and 'becauses'.

If you haven't seen the episode this might be extremely confusing... That's what my beta said.

I thought it was a good challenge and I kinda like how it turned out! Please Enjoy!

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><p><strong><span>The End<span>**

The end of the world is a horrible place and Deanna thinks about screaming 'Yes' to the sky one last time but doesn't because she knows that the angels have long stopped listening, because she hasn't seen Zachariah since they packed up their bags and left.

She has the Colt tucked into the waistband of her jeans and feels kind of badass until she remembers just who she plans to use it on.

She looks at the other Deanna, who, lying unconscious on the ground, looks so young and Deanna can't help but hate this version of herself; because it's her fault that this future exists, because she still has hope, because she has a chance and most of all because she hasn't lost Sam, because Deanna hasn't talked to her brother in five years and Sam said 'Yes'. And Deanna doesn't know why, or how, Sam could possibly could have thought that was a good idea.

She thought that they had made promises to each other because if neither of them said 'Yes', then they could come up with some crazy plan to stop the apocalypse, because they've _always_ come up with something.

In the end they both broke their promises, because Deanna has yelled 'Yes' to the sky until her throat is hoarse and there is no one there because Sam said 'Yes' in Detroit, God damn Detroit, and she wasn't there to stop him.

Deanna thinks that this version of herself would never understand this last try, because she doesn't know how horrendous this future truly is.

It all goes back to Detroit and Deanna can't help but hate her brother a little, because she still doesn't know why he fucking said 'Yes' to Lucifer. She's here to kill him and has to remind herself time after time that it isn't Sam, not anymore. If she thinks like that she won't be able to do what needs to be done, because God damn it, her brother is dead, the alternative is unthinkable, and it's all her fucking fault.

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><p>One moment she's shooting him, Lucifer, not Sam, in the back of the head and then he's turning around and fuck it if the Colt didn't work.<p>

It's Sam's face that looks at her but Lucifer's cruel smile makes her want to vomit, because it _is_ Lucifer standing in front of her, clean and fresh in a white suit and Deanna had once imagined Sam wearing a white suit to her wedding, before all this shit happened, before Sam had said 'Yes'. She thinks Lucifer might have done it on purpose because he looks at her with Sam's eyes and there's a glint in them that makes her skin crawl.

Sam looks just the same as when she last saw him and it's strange because Deanna feels like she has aged so much in the last five years. It's not Sam though, she reminds herself and knows that she'll have to do it again because God damn it, it looks so much like Sam. But it's not her brother, it's the devil and it's her fault that he's free, because angels are dicks and she broke the first seal. Then she wants to take back that last thought because Cas isn't a dick and he was an angel once, but maybe that's the answer right there. Then she thinks about Cas, who is probably dead, and has to blink back tears.

Lucifer is looking at her with inhuman eyes, and she wants to run away because she thought that about Sam.

_"Deanna,"_ Lucifer says, his voice so like Sam's but totally different at the same time, and then he's in front of her, so close that she can smell ozone, and Grace, and power and she remembers that he used to be an angel. She suddenly wants to hug him because that used to be her little brother, _"That wasn't polite."_

"Bastard." She spits because she's so stunned that the Colt didn't work and can't think of another insult, because she's staring down the devil, who she just shot in the back of the head, and he didn't fucking die, because she was wrong and Cas was wrong and fucking Crowley was wrong, and the Colt didn't fucking work.

He's going to kill her, she knows and she tries to fight but the last thing she sees, is her other self's face, because Lucifer snaps her neck with his foot and she knows he only kept her alive this long because he thinks she's amusing.

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><p>Deanna looks around the ruined city and the word <strong>CROATOAN<strong> scrawled in red paint on the side of a broken building and curses her fucked up life, because this kind of thing doesn't happen to normal people, but then again she had given up on being normal a long time ago.

The next thing she knows she's killing a child and running for her life because obviously the Croatoan virus is Lucifer's end game and she wants to wring Zachariah's neck because angels are dicks, and she's running from zombies because the Impala is junk and it's 2014 and she's handcuffed to a ladder.

She stares at herself, sitting in a chair, cleaning a gun and she thinks it _is_ her because it can't be anyone else. It is so fucked up that Deanna wants to pretend that she is still unconscious because being awake means having to talk to the woman sitting in front of her and Deanna doesn't want to know where her choices have taken her. She just told Sam that they were better off not hunting together.

And then they're talking and it's surreal because she's having a conversation with herself but it's not her and time travel is confusing and angels are dicks.

_"Look,—I'm no shapeshifter or demon or anything, okay?"_

_"Yeah, I know. I did the drill while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water—nothing. But you know what was funny? Was that you had every hidden lockpick, box cutter, and switchblade that I carry. Now, you want to explain that? Oh, and the, uh, resemblance, while you're at it?"_

The resemblance is there, obviously, because they are the same person, but Deanna can see changes, scars that she doesn't have, light crow's feet around her eyes, because she's five years in the future and this version of herself has gone through hell and she wonders where Sam is.

She says _"Zachariah."_ as if it explains everything and it must because the other Deanna believes her. And then the other Deanna, damn this is confusing, says Sam is dead, but isn't sure because she hasn't talked to him in _five years_.

And the other her is gone and Deanna is getting slapped for sleeping with women she hasn't slept with yet and she kind of wants to punch Cas in the face because Cas is stoned and about to have an orgy and this is so wrong because the Cas she knows is an angel and so full of righteousness and Grace that it hurts to see him like this. Cas can't send her back because he's lost his Grace and angels have left earth to Lucifer's mercy.

She has to leave because she _can't_ stand to see Castiel like this and she swears that this won't happen again because he is, oh, so broken and she wants to cry.

She sees herself shooting a man in cold blood, but it's _not_ her, at least not _yet_ and if she has anything to say about it it will _never_ be her. Sure maybe he was infected but she doesn't want to become the kind of person who does that and she's being told off by herself except it's not _her_ because it can't be. The future is fucked up and angels are dicks.

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><p>Deanna sees the Colt and the other Deanna says she's going to kill the devil and she's torturing again and Deanna pretends doesn't care but she does not just because she tortured souls in hell for ten years and started the apocalypse but that she kind of enjoyed it.<p>

Cas is laughing, which is wrong because her Cas is so solemn and this Cas is so full of sarcastic words and she wants to scream that he used to be an angel. Cas follows her other self without really questioning and she wants to cry because the other her can't see how much he loves her.

She expects the other her to leave her behind but her future self wants her to see their brother, but wasn't Sam dead?

_"Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said 'Yes'. That's right, the big 'Yes'. To the devil. Lucifer's wearin' him to the the prom."_ The other her tries to pretend she doesn't care but Deanna looks at that face in the mirror every day and knows better than to believe it.

It can't be true, because Sam wouldn't do that, wouldn't do that to her, because they _promised_ one another. And the other Deanna tells her to say 'Yes' to Michael and Chuck, the prophet, tells her the horde toilet paper but all Deanna can think about is that Sam said 'Yes' and this Deanna, her future self, hasn't talked to Sam in five years.

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><p>Cas offers her amphetamines and they are going on a mission to kill the devil and he's high and mortal because the other angels have left. When he broke his foot he couldn't move for two months and Deanna can't imagine that because when she first met him, she shot him, stabbed him and he didn't even flinch, just kept walking towards her, all heavenly conviction and <em>"God has plans for you."<em> But this Cas has lost God and lost his Grace because he chose to stay with Deanna and she knows it hasn't happened for her yet and she's _going_ to stop it. Because she loves him and always has.

The future her is lying and Deanna knows, but doesn't want to believe, because she would _never_ do this. But she _is_, she is sacrificing people and she's blaming Deanna, and says that sacrificing her friends is the only way and then Deanna gets slugged in the head by herself and that is just weird.

She wakes up in time to see Sam, no not Sam, Lucifer. God it's Lucifer and he breaks the other Deanna's neck and God, why did Sam say 'Yes'?

_"Oh. Hello Deanna. Aren't you a surprise."_

And he's behind her and she spins around and this is so wrong because Sam said 'Yes' and Lucifer says it would be redundant to kill her. And he's apologetic and so sweet that her teeth want to rot and he talks about love and how much he loved God, but she isn't fooled because he's a monster and he looks just like her little brother, because he's fucking wearing her little brother, because Sam fucking said 'Yes'.

_"You better kill me now. Or I swear I will find a way to kill you. And I won't stop."_

_"I know you won't. I know you won't say 'Yes' to Michael either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details alter, who always end up – here. I win. So, I win."_

And then Lucifer is gone and Zachariah is there and Deanna is back home, 2009. But she won't say 'Yes', she won't, because there has to be some other way. And the other Deanna, the one from the future, the one who was so broken, had said that she had said the same thing. But Deanna doesn't care because _she_ will find another way.

She thinks Zachariah might kill her but Cas is there and suddenly she's on the side of a road. Deanna's getting tired of angels zapping her places without warning but it's okay this time because it's Cas. She hugs him and he doesn't know what to do but she doesn't care because it's Cas and he rests his arms lightly on her back. She breaths in the smell of ozone and Grace and Cas, and she never wants to let go.

"Cas, don't ever change."

She calls Sam the next day, because Zachariah had been trying to convince her to say 'Yes' to Michael but instead he showed her another way out. Because the other Deanna hadn't seen Sam in five years and that is one thing that Deanna can change, because Sam is a damn good hunter and this way this time he won't say 'Yes' because she'll be there.


End file.
